Miss Piggy Lunchbox

I can’t remember why, but for some reason over Thanksgiving my mom turned on her cell phone, something she never does unless she’s on a road trip.  When she turned it on the phone made an audible alert.

Mom: Oh, somebody’s calling just as I turned it on.

Me: It’s probably just telling you you have a voice mail.

Mom: Oh.  No, wait…it says ‘new voice message.’  What does that mean?

Me: …

Mom: Is that the same as voice mail?

Me: Yes.

As My Baby pointed out, what’s odd here is that “mail” in “voice mail” is really a misnomer.  There’s nothing mail-y, in the postal service sense of the word, about receiving a voice mail.  But here they’ve tried to be more accurate in their naming and it’s only confused things.

Someday I will be old.  This fact is often presented to me in such stark ways that there is no way I could overlook it.

Cast:
My Baby - My Baby
Friend - a friend who is a transplant to Seattle from New York

My Baby: Lately it’s the kind of cloudy  where you can’t even tell what time of day it is.  You can’t tell where in the sky the sun is and it’s the same level of brightness form sunrise to sunset.

Friend: Yeah, I went out for lunch,  andI thought it was bright, but I still didn’t have a shadow.  It’s weird when you can look at a distinct cloud.  It’s usually so cloudy here you can’t even make out individual clouds.

Cast:
Me - KEN
Friend - a friend who is a native of western Washington.

Me: I finally made my peace with the weather here, or at least made significant strides with it, when I finally lost all expectations.  Now I just expect gray, rainy s**t every single day, and anything better than that is just a bonus.

Friend: That’s how I’ve spent my entire life, I just didn’t realize it until right now.

Friend: …and for the ultimate in obscurity, it was a L’il Wayne song that wasn’t “Lollipop.”

Me: [to My Baby] Hey, now we know who does “Lollipop.” [to Friend] We were in Turkey a few years back and heard “Lollipop” a dozen times a day.

My Baby: No, that was “Candy Shop.”

Friend: That’s 50 Cent.

Me: No no, it goes [sings] “I’m gonna lick your lollipop.”

Friend: Yeah, well, it turns out that the lollipop is a frequently used phallic symbol in popular hip-hop lyrics.